those damn pants
by Tommy.k.oneshot
Summary: jim favours a pair wonderfully tight pants during a visit to a bar while on shore leave. mckirk. bones/kirk. mxm. slash.


The crew off the U.S.S. Enterprise had just been granted a week shore leave after three months aboard the ship. All were glad for the break from work. Exploring uncharted territory never seemed to have a quite moment. Somebody was always shooting something at them, be it poison darts or laser torpedoes, they never new what type of civilization they would encounter next.

As soon as Jim was given the go ahead, he steered the ship towards the nearest friendly (and human inhabitable) planet. And went down to his and Bones's shared suit to pack. The chief medical officer was already there, fast asleep on the couch. It appeared he had fallen asleep there while reading. The doctor had been run ragged the last few months, and nurse Chapel had refuse to let him enter the med bay that morning and had instead sent him back to his room to rest. The captain stared down at the older man smiling. He looked so peaceful it was almost a shame to wake him. Almost.

Jim tiptoed over to his sleeping boyfriend and lifted up the hem of the doctor's shirt. He then proceeded to place his cold hand directly on the other man abdominal muscles. Bones jumped off the couch with a rather feminine scream.

"Damn it Jim! Don't do that!" McCoy scowled. Kirk just laughed in response.

"Don't get your panties in a wad." He teased, knowing full well his partners dislike of that fraise. "I bring good new."

"Oh and what would that be? The admiral has granted my request to drown you in the shower?"

Kirk stepped closer to Bones, pulling roughly on the collar of his regulation blue uniform, smirking. "Ah but you'd have to get in the shower with me for that." He pecked the doctor lightly on the mouth and let go, walking away. "But no Bonesy, the news is we have one week of shore leave, starting tonight. So hurry up and pack we meet everybody for drinks at 7 and we have to get to the hotel and unpack before we meet them."

"And everybody would be?" McCoy liked the crew but he hoped Jim didn't literally mean EVERYBODY.

"You, me, Spock, Uhura, Sulu, and Scotty." Kirk said throwing a couple things into a bag. Leonard nodded. He could handle that everybody.

The doctor had headed down to the bar at five after seven alone, he loved Jim but my god did he ever take a long time getting ready. It was an old earth style bar, with a rock and role theme, playing music by the likes of AC/DC, nirvana, areosmith, rush, and the rolling stone. The doctor smiled, this place was so incredibly Jim, his music, his style of dress, everything. When he arrived their friends greeted him. It was a shame they couldn't invite the young Russian, but he wasn't yet old enough to drink.

"Where's yer lady love?" Scotty asked as Bones approached the bar.

"Still getting dressed I would assume." The doctor replied, shaking his head. What he didn't know was that Kirk was waiting just outside the door. He had contacted the dj ahead of time and arranged for him to play a specific song at exactly ten after seven, it was now 7:08.

"That does sound like him," Uhura laughed, "that man takes longer than I do."

"That's not much of a comparison," Spock chimed in, shifting himself behind Uhura and wrapping his arms around her waist. " You take very little time getting dressed, the most time I've ever seen you take is seventeen, and that was only when you were unable to locate one of your undergarments." Uhura blushed in spite of herself.

"Keep the bedroom talk in the bedroom Spock, " the doctor jested. Just at that moment the music in the bar went up about five notches as Too Hot To Stop by Steve Plunkett rang through the place. At the same time a familiar figure walked trough the door. Kirk seemingly oblivious to the music meandered through the tables, receiving many admiring looks from patrons of all genders. He was wearing a pair of explicitly tight jeans. They hugged him perfectly in every spot possible, showing off the captain fabulous ass, but leaving just enough to the imagination.

Bones pushed himself off the bar and walked over behind Kirk, slipping his hand into one of the man's back pockets possessively, and grabbing his ass almost hard enough to leave a bruise. Bones steered Jim towards the bar by his ass. The captain leaned his head over and bit at his lover's ear, drawing a small moan from the brunette. Those who had been admiring now stared. The doctor was also an incredibly fit man, and you could see his toned back through his tight black t-shirt, and the way his one arm was wrapped around the captain, and the other was stuck in his own front pocket showed off his guns perfectly.

The pair strode up to the bar as the song ended. "Now that's what I call an entrance," Sulu mused. "They are still staring you know."

"Blame Bones for that, he was the one who came over and grabbed me." Kirk would ever admit to anyone that he had planned the fist half of that, or how many other times had done it in the past. He knew it got McCoy into his dominant mode, and every time bones claimed him so publicly it sent a jolt of excitement through the blond.

" I think it might have more to do with your god damn pants Jim." The doctor chucked, grabbing the captains ass again.

"I don't know, that is a rather marvelous shirt," Jim teased pulling the collar.

"Oi! Remember what ya said aboot bedrum talk? I think that counts." Scotty loved poking fun at his friends.

"That's not bedroom talk Scotty," Jim got a devious look on his face, "this is bed room talk," he broke free of bones, and walked over to Scotty draping his arm over the engineer's shoulders, looking him right in the eye. " I want to take you to the back, push you up against a wall, wrap your legs around my waist, and fuck the living daylights out of you."

McCoy grabbed Kirk by his belt loops and spun him around, "not if I get you back there first," he growled. The blond grinned up at his lover and they both broke out laughing.

"I have a better idea," Uhura interjected, grabbing Jim by his elbow, "come dance with me."

"Spock you don't want to dance with your lovely girlfriend?" Kirk knew Spock didn't dance but he couldn't help himself.

"You are aware I do not dance Jim." The chief science officer was unamused.

"Then id love to." Jim beamed at Uhura and the two headed to the dance floor.

There were a descent number of people dancing but the floor, but it wasn't packed. The pair weaved their way towards the middle of the group and started to dance. Uhura, having taken classes when she was small was a wonderful dancer. Kirk was brilliant, but nor was he horrible and he managed to keep up with his partner. Meanwhile the boys at the bar continued to talk.

"So why don't you dance Spock?" Sulu was genuinely curious.

"I never learned. Growing up on Vulcan, as I'm sure you can imagine, dancing was not something that happened. And I figured there would be no point in attempting to learn now, as whenever we go out dancing Uhura seems to have a perfectly good time with Jim."

"Its really not hard Spock," the doctor chimed in, "if I can dance I'm sure you can. I'm sure you wouldn't be that bad."

"Its not a matter of how good I feel I would be. There is simply no need for me to dance."

"That where yer wrong. There is never a need ta dance, ye do it because its fun. I can't dance ta save me life. But I do it anyway, because its fun." The Scotsman was right he was not a particularly good dancer, but it never stopped him. Least not once had had a few drinks.

"Watch and learn Spock," the doctor smirked. He wove his way through the dance floor till he came up behind Jim. Grabbing the blond round the waist he pulled him back just a little, pressing Jims hips into his pelvis. Kirk looked at the man behind him and smiled, pressing himself closer and moving his hips in time with the music. Bones slid one of his hands up the captain's torso feeling his chest over his shirt, while his other hand slid down to rest on jims hips just to the of his groin.

"That hardly looks like dancing to me. It seems more like a sudo-sexual act of some kind." Spock commented to the two men standing on either side of him.

" Its both," Sulu replied. "Its called grinding, Leonard was just looking for an excuse to go and dance with Jim."

"I see."

A few songs later the three wandered off the dance floor and back over to their friends at the bar. "Am I the only one who could go for a drink?" Jim wondered aloud, slightly out of breath.

"I think ill get in on that with ya." Scotty chuckled; he was never known to pass up a drink. "Why don't we get a table, I got an idea." The group nodded and wandered over to a table.

"So what's this your idea of yours Montgomery?" Spock could tell something was up by the way the ginger was smiling.

"I have a game fer ya lot."

"Yes haha drinking game!" Kirk was beaming; these had been his specialty back at the academy. Bones rolled his eyes, remembering the few times Kirk had lost, though it had only happened two or three times, bones had been sober enough to remember having to take care of the very very affectionate drunk.

"Ye know it. Ok so the object of this game is ta see who gets ter teach Spock how ta dance." Everybody laughed t this, except for Spock who seemed rather shocked. "Last one standin' gets ta pick who dances with Mr. two left feet. If he can manage ta win, we doona make 'im dance."

Spock was about to protest when he noticed the look of excitement on Uhura's face. "Fine, I hardly see how this is fair as there are five of you and one of me, and two of you are known for being able to hold your liquor incredibly well. But fine" the whole group cheered as McCoy flagged down the waitress.

"Lets make this a tad more interesting," the doctor chuckled. "You have to stack your shot glasses into some sort of tower, it can be a pyramid, o straight line up or whatever you want, but when yours falls your out."

"I'm liking this more and more by the second." Jim beamed, giving the top of his lover's thigh a light squeeze. Everyone nodded. When the waitress arrived, Jim ordered two bottles of vodka, one raspberry and one chocolate. And ten empty shot glasses for each of them. When the drinks arrived Scotty finished stating the rules.

"We take turns doin' shots, go round the table. Ye can pick yer flavor, although why they are both so girly you'll hav' ta ask the cap'in. You throw it back an' flip the cup over an' add it ta yer tower." There was a smattering of got it, yup, ok and sure's. Then they started. Scotty went fist, knocking back a raspberry shot. It was then Jim, Bones, Spock Uhura, and then Sulu. Three shots in Uhura's hand slipped and the stack fell.

"Shit," she slurred out, I'm not even that drunk. Uhura was a very lightweight but didn't like to admit it. She got out of her chair and stood behind Spock, planting a big wet sloppy kiss on his cheek. "You got this baby."

"I thought you wanted me to loose, was that not the point of you playing?" Spock asked looking up at her.

"Oh yeah, oops. Um oh I give up!" she looked so frustrated it made the others laugh. On the fifth shot, Bones intentionally flicked his pyramid over knowing he could not beat Kirk or Scotty, and being quite happy with his level of intoxication. He was also starting to feel quite horny. He placed his hand under the table and began to run it over the fly of Jims painted in jeans. It took Jim a moment to understand the signal coming from his boyfriend, as he was more than a little tipsy. After Jim took his sixth shot, he very enthusiastically knocked down his tower. This left only Spock, Scotty and Sulu in the game.

Bone and Kirk excused themselves from the table. As soon as they were out of earshot McCoy grabbed Jim's arm. "What was that you were saying earlier about the back room?" the doctor asked with false innocence in his voice.

"I was joking that I was going to fuck Scotty in the… wait no your not serious!"

"Deadly." The older man kept his hold on the young captains arm and dragged hi towards the bathroom at the back of the bar. They were one-stall washrooms with a locking door, perfect. He shoved Jim into the first one and locked the door. Not noticing the sign on the door that said ladies. The bathroom is spotlessly clean, not that either man would have cared.

"Oh my god Bones, this is so, so naughty," Kirk laughed. Both men were slightly drunk. Bones was about to respond when Jim planted a huge kiss on him, and pushing him backwards into the wall. Bones grunts when his back hits the hard surface. Kirk takes this opportunity to slip his tongue into the older man's mouth. Their tongues swirl and dance around tasting each other. Jim reaches down and undoes McCoy's pants with two swift movements, shoving his hand inside them. He grips firmly on the doctor's shaft and pumps up and down.

Bones presses his hips forward into Jim's hand groaning into the captain's mouth. He then reached down and fumbled to undo kirks pants. When he finally had them open he copied the captain's actions. The two pumped each other in unison for a few moments before Jim pulled his hand out of his lovers pants and broke the kiss. McCoy whining slightly.

"you have a condom?" jim panted as Bones continued to run his hand up and down the captain's cock.

"wallet, back pocket." Bones mumbled, latching himself onto the left side of kirk's neck. Jim reached around and grabbed the wallet out of the brunette's pocket. He opened it up, fished out a condom, and then threw it on the floor.

McCoy detached and looked at Kirk when he heard his wallet skitter across the tiles.

"Top or bottom?" Kirk asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Well, I'm already against the wall," bones chuckled.

"Good point." With that Jim push McCoy's pants and boxers down and the doctor kicked them off. Kirk grabbed Bones by the waist and lifted him up so McCoy could wrap his legs around the blonde's hips. Jim grabbed the top of his pants and shoved them and his underwear down below his ass. Meanwhile Bones ripped open the condom packet and rolled it down over his lover's erection.

"This is going to hurt a bit," Jim warned, "we don't have any other lube I can't stretch you out first."

"Yeah yeah, just shut up and get on with it." With that Jim lifted Bones up a little bit higher on the wall and positioned himself underneath the doctors entrance. Slowly loosening his grip on the brunette, McCoy sank onto Kirk. The doctor let out a sharp hiss as the captain pushed passes the tight rings of muscle. Once he was fully sheathed in the doctor, Kirk gave the other man a moment to adjust before he slowly started pulling his hips back and pushing forward.

After a few thrusts Jim brushed across McCoy's prostate. Bones threw his head back against the wall and moaned. "Faster Jim, damn it."

The captain complied, picking up speed and beginning to suck and bight lightly on Bones's neck, covering it in light purple marks and soliciting a sting of profanities from the doctor. Kirk reached between them grabbing McCoy's hard on and stoking it in time with his trusts.

"Hng, no, t-shirts. Don't wanna…." Bones could barely talk. However he was right, both men still wearing their shirts, so McCoy coming in that position would be a very bad idea. But a thought occurred to Jim.

"Hold on tight," Jim grunted, picking up his pace even more. After a while Jim came with a loud scream "Bones!"

Jim pulled out of Bones, placed the older man's feet back on the floor, disposed of his condom and pulled his own pants up. He then dropped to his knees in front of the doctor. Bones gasped at the sight of the pretty blond captain looking up at him through his lashes.

"You didn't think I would leave you hanging did you?" Jim chuckled darkly. Before Bones could answer, Jim wrapped his hand around the base of his lovers cock and placed the head in his mouth. He sucked on the tip while he pumped his hand up and down the shaft. Jim then dropped his hand and bobbed his head taking all of the doctor in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the shaft as he did so. He then pulled his mouth back to the head of McCoy's member and swiped his tongue across the slit licking off the pre-cum. He then looked up at the doctor exptantly.

It took Bones a moment to register the other man's intentions, but once he understood what Kirk was suggesting he wove his fingers through the blond hair, gripped it tightly and began to fuck himself in and out of the captain's mouth. He could feel himself repeatedly hit the back of Jim's throat. Jim began to hum, the feeling of the vibrations mixed with that of Kirk's hot mouth and the slight ache of his ass, pushed Bones over the edge. He came hard into the captain's mouth, and Jim swallowed it all, loving the taste of his boyfriend.

Kirk wiped his mouth and stood up. Once he was on his feet he smiled at the doctor. "Well that was fun." He beamed.

"That was amazing Jim. Now you feel like passing me my pants love?" Bones asked placing a kiss on the younger man's forehead. Jim walked across the bathroom and bent over to pick up McCoy's pant. "Damn it Jim those are some nice jeans." Bones chuckled.

Kirk grabbed the pants off the floor and spun around. "Were you staring at my ass Leonard?" Jim tossed the pants back to their owner.

"I most certainly was James. And what a magnificent ass it is." Bones stated matter of factly as he slipped back into his own pants and picked up his wallet. Kirk smiled and grabbed the doctor's hand leading them out of the bathroom. They opened the door to a line of disgruntled women waiting to use the restroom and both began to laugh.

" Next time check what bathroom we hijack," Kirk teased. Bones just continued to laugh as they walked back over to their friends.

"Oi! What the 'ell took ya so long?" the drunk Scotsman bellowed. Both Jim and Bones had completely forgotten about the drinking game.

"Having a good fuck in the back room, you missed out," Jim mocked.

"Ye two hav' ne self restraint. So for tha' imma make Spock dance with….. Jim!"

"so you won then?" bones inquired.

"O'corse I won! Mr. perfect hair wimped out on meh!" this made the entire group chuckle. Scotty was known to have a distaste of Jim's hair when he was drunk, though no one quite knew why.

"Well then Spock shall we?" Jim mock bowed, offering his hand to Spock.

"Lets just get this over with," Spock went to sand up, tripped on his own feet and fell flat on his face. As soon as it was clear the first mate was unharmed, laughter ripped through the group.

"On second thought, maybe another time," Jim giggled. Everyone then said their goodnights and wandered off to their hotels. "That was nice," Jim smiled up at his lover.

"We should get Spock drunk more often," Bones joked.

"Yeah that two."


End file.
